Pffft... Spain.

Think you're having a bad Monday?

Spare a thought for this poor lady who is about to learn a shocking revelation about her ex-boyfriend...



"No... he... is... an accountant."

"Is he?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAR!

Which reminds me to reveal to you that I'm actually...

*radio static*

Pipette tip to Balderdash.


Would you like to know more?
- About Man Stroke Woman
- About Palacio Real de Madrid

Spont-Ant-eous Generation

This Monday I'm going to talk about a phenomenon that doesn't annoy me as much as it mystifies me.

You know sometimes you are walking around doing your own thing when suddenly you feel an ant crawling up your hand?

You'd brush it off or kill it or whatever, and then the realization strikes you.

The ant had to come from somewhere.

But you were walking around.

In shorts.

Somehow that ant must have crawled up your leg completely unnoticed, scampered up your clothes, made its way onto your arm and scurried along for several centimetres more before you felt it on the back of your hand.

How did the ant make it so far without being detected?

I mean, you'd know it immediately when an ant crawls up your leg, right?













Unless...

Unless the ant mysteriously materializes...

*neeeeuuummmm*

... on the back of your hand, inst-Ant-aneously by an Intellig-Ant Designer.

Oh noes! I'm becoming a cre-Ant-ionist!

The TV Is Not Working!

Think you're having a bad Monday?

Spare a thought for these kawaii girls who are confronted by a malfunctioning TV...



The Japanese invent the most Aw Seem (black-hearted) pranks.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAR!

*snort*

Sex, Violence and Space Comedy

Do you like Star Wars?

Do you like Star Trek?

Here's a little something to brighten up your Monday - it's absolutely unsuitable for everyone, including children. So don't watch this at work!

I know you'll love it.



Shockingly funny!


Would you like to know more?

- Tripping the Rift (NSFW)

Welcome To The Hotel Singapura

The biggest social challenge that comes with a massive influx of immigrants is not the cultural difference between Singaporeans and foreigners, but that their arrival reveals just how little Singaporeans have in common.

Kissed By The Bell

Everyone knows that pain is awful. Pain sucks.

Do you know what else sucks?

Numbness.

It sucks in a weird and disturbing way.

Ever since my last bout with a particularly nasty cold, I've had this pukey throbbing pain at the right back of my head that didn't go away.

Four days ago my tongue suddenly went numb. Everything I ate had a strangely smooth texture and tasted rather bland. I thought at that time that I somehow burnt my tongue real bad. In addition, my hearing felt unbalanced - the volume level of both ears don't seem to match up, especially for loud sounds.

Then yesterday, things took a turn for the worse. While working in the lab, I noticed that my right eye felt dry and blurry. When I checked it out in the toilet mirror, I discovered to my horror that my smile/grimace was not symmetrical!



















I couldn't pull the right corner of my mouth any higher. Something is affecting a whole bunch of facial functions.

Time to see a doctor.

It turns out that I've caught Bell's Palsy.

Something has caused my facial nerve (cranial nerve VII) to become inflamed, probably viruses from the cold last month.

Due to the fact that the facial nerve runs along a narrow bony canal in the skull, inflammation can cause the nerve to become compressed against the bone, resulting in impaired function of downstream targets such as facial and eyelid muscles.

It is also responsible for carrying sensory signals from part of the tongue and ear to the brain, so those systems are affected as well.

Symptoms of Bell's Palsy include the classic "Bell's smile" (shown above). Other diagnostic features include...



















...asymmetrical eyebrow lift. Notice my left eyebrow can lift higher and has deeper wrinkles than my weakened right eyebrow.

This feature helps to differentiate Bell's Palsy from stroke, which doesn't display this asymmetry since stroke injury is in the brain and forehead muscles are innervated by both sides of the brain. In a stroke scenario, eyebrow lifts are usually balanced...



















...and inability to close the right side of my mouth fully.

It feels really bizarre to leak water from the right part of my lip when brushing my teeth.

Heh.

The good news is that Bell's Palsy usually goes away by itself, but it can take weeks or even months to recover. Anti-viral and anti-inflammatory drugs may help a little, but doesn't speed up the process by much.

Well that sucks.

Now not only do I have to live with a twisted mind, I have to endure a twisted face too.

But to make the best out of my misery, Fresh Brainz is happy to bring you this public service announcement about Bell's Palsy:

1. If your tongue feels numb for no obvious reason, go see a doctor immediately.

2. If your facial expressions suddenly become asymmetrical or paralysed, go see a doctor immediately.

Early detection enhances recovery.

P.S. While studying in Canada, my friends and I often do funny impressions of then Prime Minister Jean Chrétien because of his distinctive twisted mouth. I didn't know at that time that he once suffered from Bell's Palsy. Apparently years later the bad karma has caught up with me, tsk tsk...











Guess who else had Bell's Palsy before?

Pierce Brosnan. w00t!

Would you like to know more?
- Detailed article about Bell's Palsy from the University of Texas

I Was Never That Young

James T. Kirk: Congratulations, Ensign. It wouldn't be the Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm.

Demora Sulu: Thank you, sir.

Pavel Chekov: I'm sure Hikaru must be very proud of you.

Demora Sulu: I hope so.

Pavel Chekov: [wistful] I was never that young.

James T. Kirk: [smiling] No... you were younger.

from Star Trek: Generations (1994)

Some things in life are just kinda assumed to be true.

You know, stuff like: kids are brash and idealistic, the older you are the wiser you get, absence makes the heart grow fonder, you should drink 8 glasses of water a day...

The idealism of youth? Now that's an idealism in itself.

Some people do start off as enthusiastic little nerds, and after years of hard knocks and reality checks, gradually transform into disillusioned old fucks.

It's true.

But what disturbs me are people who were never "that young".

People who, right from the start, already understood how the world works; how the table tilts, how the cookie crumbles.

I've met quite a few such individuals before.

While doing my undergrad in neuroscience, there was this guy who was a model student - President of the Neuroscience Students' Association, superb grades, active in sports and an eloquent speaker.

In Singapore, he would be called an "all-rounder".

His ambition was to become a consultant neurosurgeon, a dream that he broadcast to everyone through his personal website.

Then one day, he suddenly realized how long and how much effort it would take to become a neurosurgeon. More than a decade of training! Less than a year before graduation, he decided to switch into another programme... guess which one...

Business. Yes, rake me the dollars baby!

We met in a corridor once and he passed me his new namecard - he had become a part-time financial analyst and had new ambitions in big money.

I remember that I was so disgusted I threw his namecard away immediately after he walked off. Of course I was a naïve, ignorant, self-absorbed twerp then. And a wee bit idealistic, not save-the-world idealistic but gobs more than he was.

When I review his decision today, I realize that it is a brilliant move. I have no doubt that he has become a successful financial consultant today. In contrast I have sentenced myself to years of constant struggle and likely more such years in the future.

He seemed like quite an exemplar of materialistic pragmatism at that time, but since then I've met people who are so accomplished in this regard as to make him look like a grade-school dinosaur geek.

For example, there's this guy who said that his dream was to become a TCM physician. He firmly believes that science is a fraud but keeps doing research because it pays much better.

Another person claims that his "passion" is in science, but he never talks about science and has been spending practically all his time doing business-related activities.

How about the ex-engineer who said that his "passion" is in investment? What the hell does that mean? I didn't know that "investment" is a subject that you can be passionate about. Especially if the investment fails to make money.

Dude, just say you love money, it's perfectly normal.

All these guys still pale in comparison to certain 17-year-olds who join the political establishment as junior members.

Maybe administrators are born, not made.

They were never that young.

The Futility Of It All

Mondays are like the "reverse beer-goggles" of life.

On these days, the stark reality appears in high definition detail. Everything is laid bare in glorious repulsiveness. No blemish is edited away and nothing is swept under the carpet.

As I drag myself to work with a heavy computer (yes it's old) and heavy feet, I always ask myself - what if everything I do is merely a pointless exercise in tedium?

Last weekend I watched a National Geographic documentary about a Japanese man who wanted to become a cowboy. Despite family and societal pressures for him to conform to the lifestyle of a salaryman, he dropped out of college and worked odd jobs in order to finance his trips to Texas.

His dream was to become a professional bullrider. To make the grade he needed to hang on to a raging bull for 8 full seconds. And so he trained and trained during the off-season, working long hours in manual jobs in order to make ends meet. He endured the criticisms of others and the drudgery of life in Japan with the sole purpose of fulfilling his dream - those 8 victorious seconds.

Alas, as they often say, "life" got in the way. His long suffering girlfriend wanted him to choose between bullriding and her.

He got married.

And thus he hung up his cowboy boots for years, but deep inside he yearned for just one more try. Finally his wife agreed, and he went back to Texas to chase the last opportunity to prove himself.

He found himself on the bull again. The gate was opened - and off he went!

After what seemed like an eternity struggling with the bull, he was thrown off its back. The bull came storming back and nearly gored him with its horns. He escaped by inches.

The results?

He came up half-a-second short. Disappointed, he walked off the arena and back into the arms of his anxious wife.

After watching the documentary I found his story curious, but also hilarious. A stubborn, pig-headed, idealistic man pursued his dream - and failed. Ha ha ha!

But I suddenly realized that I have no dream at all.

I think I used to have dreams, but I don't remember them now. Maybe I never had dreams. Funny how much difference a few years make.

To live is to put one foot ahead of another, one foot at a time.

Do you remember the time when your dreams died?